Your phone buzzes. It’s your ex. Heat grows in your chest; your heart starts racing – you’re not sure what to do. To answer the phone or not? You know what they’re going to say; you know they to get back together. And the first thought that comes to your mind is, should I take my ex back?
Because you still love them, you answer the phone. Your ex starts by telling you they’re sorry and want to give the relationship a second chance. They’ve “changed.”
Those are nice words to hear. Everyone wants to hear that the person they love has grown and can now be the partner they always wanted to have. But is it true? Your ex says they changed but did they? Should you take them back?
Should I take my ex back?
Most people will tell you that your ex hasn’t changed and you shouldn’t get back together with them. But that’s not sound advice. In reality, no one knows your ex and your relationship with them better than you.
Sure, I can tell you that they haven’t changed, but what do I know? I don’t know your ex. So, this article will require you to reflect and be brutally honest with yourself about your ex. You’re the one making the decision; this is your life.
There’s always a chance that your ex hasn’t changed. And it’s possible they’re just saying this to lure you back into the relationship. Your ex may be hoping that they’ll pull on your heartstrings and poke at your insecurities to get you back. And if you are insecure and struggle with low self-esteem, for sure, you’ll go back to them.
My ex would break up with me on a weekly basis. If I said or did something he didn’t like, he would dump me and then a couple of days later, give me the “I’m sorry, I’ve changed” monologue (and we all know that it was bullsh*t).
But I was insecure and had low self-worth – I didn’t think I could find someone else better, someone who would love me as he did (which wasn’t really love to begin with).
If someone has really changed, they:
- will prove to you that they’ve taken steps to change.
- will not pressure you to get back together with them.
- take responsibility for their previous behavior and actions.
- they will respect your space and allow you to process your feelings as you wish.
Saying you’ve changed is easy. I’ve changed, everyone! There, I’ve said it. But where are the actions to prove it?
Are they taking responsibility for their past actions, or are they still pointing the finger at you? If they’re saying they’ve changed but have yet to take ownership of their behavior, they haven’t changed – they’re not being genuine.
If your ex has anger issues, what did they do to work on them? Did they go to therapy? Address their traumas and pain?
If your ex is emotionally draining, how have they changed? Did they seek therapy? Gain new hobbies? Surround themselves with positive people?
You need to see the results. You’re not here to wait until they will change. Screw that. If they want you back, they need to have already worked on their issues.
Take your ex back if…
- They’ve taken the necessary steps to change their behavior and be a healthy partner in the relationship.
- If they take accountability for their behavior and life.
- It’s been at least three months since the breakup. Change takes time – they’re not going to change long-term behavior overnight.
I do believe people can change – I’ve changed tremendously. But it took me months (and now years) of therapy to see improvement in myself. Change happens slowly; it’s a process.
So, if you’re thinking should I take my ex back, listen to what they have to say, ask them about their process, and see if it’s genuine.
If you feel an ounce of pressure, your ex didn’t change.
Should I take my ex back or not? – that is the question. Sometimes couples need that time apart to work on themselves before getting back together. But you want to make sure your ex is actually working on themselves and not using this line to lure you back into an unhealthy dynamic.
You know your ex the best, listen to what they have to say, watch their actions, and follow your intuition. Relationship problems and solutions go hand-in-hand, and only you can make the decision.