How to Increase Intimacy in the Bedroom

couple laying in bed with man wrapped around woman
We tend to equate intimacy with sex, but that's not the case. Intimacy is more than sex, and sometimes, it has nothing to do with sex at all. 

There’s having sex and then there’s making love. I know the phrase “making love” can make some people squirm, but maybe that’s because you’re not doing it yourself. That said, when it comes to learning how to increase intimacy in the bedroom, it’s not such as easy task.

But seriously, it’s not easy. Learning how to increase intimacy in the bedroom isn’t as easy as slipping on lingerie or putting whip cream on your nipples (though tasty). 

We tend to equate intimacy with sex, but that’s not the case. Intimacy is more than sex, and sometimes, it has nothing to do with sex at all. 

Are you confused now? Did I just make this worse? Don’t worry, in this post, you’re going to learn how to increase intimacy in the bedroom – and it’s probably not what you expect.

two white women laying in bed wearing bras


Now, this is a little disclaimer. When it comes to intimacy and sex in general, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

I know that’s not what you want to hear right now. You what to know the exact steps to help you increase intimacy in the bedroom. 

But the thing is each couple is different. Everyone has their own needs, desires, trauma – and we can’t fit that into one box. 

To learn how to increase intimacy in the bedroom, you first need to acknowledge your needs, desires, and past – they all play a role in your relationship. By processing those feelings, you’ll be able to truly connect with your partner on an intimate level.

Experiencing intimacy and connection is amazing, but it doesn’t come easy. Here’s what you can do to increase the intimacy in the bedroom. 

The 6 Different Types of Intimacy

Intimacy isn’t only sexual (as you now know). In reality, intimacy can be expressed in different ways.

  • Physical intimacy: cooking together, trying new things together.
  • Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and being vulnerable with each other.
  • Sexual intimacy: involving sexual acts, including sex, oral sex.
  • Sensual intimacy: involving physical touch like holding hands, hugging, cuddling.
  • Intellectual intimacy: having conversations, expressing opinions.
  • Spiritual intimacy: sharing your spirituality with your partner.

Health Benefits of Intimacy 

There’s more to intimacy than becoming close with your partner. Here are other health benefits of intimacy:

  • Reduced stress
  • Increased immune system
  • Improved mental health
  • Boost in libido

How to Increase Intimacy in the Bedroom

You want your relationship to go to the next level. And while we think bringing in whips and handcuffs into the bedroom will do that, intimacy is actually what we need to focus on. Here’s what you can do. 

Face yourself

Oh, you can’t escape this step if you want to increase intimacy. To feel on a deeper level and connect with your partner, you need to face your pain – the pain that’s preventing you from connecting deeply.

To connect with another person means you need to connect with yourself first.

Spend one-on-one time with your partner

Our lives are getting busier by the day. And, I know, you don’t want to schedule a time to spend with your partner, but it’s time you started. 

You need to spend time with your partner. And it’s easier to get distracted. So, make time. 

Stop blaming each other

It’s easy to point the blame at your partner and make it seem like they’re the problem of the lack of intimacy. 

But that will only make things worse. It’s time to take responsibility for your relationship and the problems in it. Sure, they make mistakes, but so do you. 

If you want to increase intimacy, take control of your relationship.

Talk about your needs and desires

How can you learn how to increase intimacy in the bedroom when you two aren’t on the same page?

It’s time you sat down with your partner and shared your needs and desires with each other. Be honest and see how you two can work together to meet those needs and desires.

Build a love map together

Oooo, a love map! I love love maps! To help achieve your needs and desires, try creating a love map with your partner.

Write down your needs and desires, and ask each other the following questions:

  • What felt good?
  • What turned you on?
  • What makes sex more intimate?
  • What did you not like? 

This will help you understand what’s working and what’s not. 

Final Thoughts

Learning how to increase intimacy in the bedroom isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Try the tips above and see how it goes. 

If you’re finding the above is not working, consider intimacy counselling


On Key

Related Posts

two white women on couch laughing

Is My Relationship Toxic? Signs of a Toxic Relationship

So, if you’re reading this, there’s a chance that you’re not feeling good about your relationship. If you’re asking yourself, is my relationship toxic? It’s time to know the signs. Here are the signs of a toxic relationship.

indian couple on mountain

How to Know if You Met the One

You’ve met someone that you’re sure is the one. Now, I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. I don’t even know you! But here’s the thing, are they really the one? Here’s how to know if you met the one.

Looking for real connection?

Get real relationship and dating advice straight to your email now.