My Ex Says They Want to be Friends – Should You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Help! My ex says they want to be friends!

Ah yes, being friends with your ex. Let’s be honest; break-ups are hard. No one wants to lose the person they were the closest to. So, we compromise. We say to ourselves, but hey, we can still be friends. And this is where it all goes wrong. 

I have a story for you. When I was in my early twenties, I had my best friend, Darko. Darko and I did everything together. We would spend day after day hanging out, watching movies, and meeting up with friends in the evening. It was only a matter of time when I started to have feelings for him.

Though we weren’t officially together, we would share these intimate moments, and in my head, I thought we would end up together. But then I realized the dream in my head wouldn’t come true. So, I broke off the relationship. After a couple of weeks, I gave in and thought to myself, “I can totally be his friend.” I called him, and we met up. It was torture for me. Every moment I spent next to him was a reminder of what I couldn’t have. 

I’m telling you this story because you need to understand that friendship isn’t going to happen right away if you just broke up with someone. Though you may not want to cut things off, and even if your ex says they want to be friends, it’s for your best interest to have space from them. You need time to heal and move on. You need time to understand your own self-worth and to develop self-love. 

Before you think about being friends with your ex, you need to think about your own needs. Is this the right move for you? Is this what you need right now? 

It’s hard to answer these questions. Your heart is telling you one thing, but your gut is telling you another. Deep down, you know being friends with your ex right now isn’t a good idea. You need to remind yourself that you matter; you need to remind yourself that boundaries are necessary for personal growth. 

There’s nothing wrong with saying no to being friends with your ex. 

In my case, I gave myself six months away from Darko. By the time the six months were over, I decided to meet him and see how I felt. When we met, I realized I had grown within those six months, and our friendship wasn’t what I needed.

Even though one side of me wanted to try to make the friendship work out, I knew my journey towards self-love and personal boundaries was more important. In other words, I put myself first. 

Was it hard? Yes. 

But no one said this was going to be easy. Our toughest decisions are usually the ones where we grow from. 

So, before making a decision on whether you should stay friends with your ex, sit down with yourself, and look at what you really need. The answer may be hard to swallow at first, but with time, you’ll be happy you followed your gut.