I’m no stranger to feeling less sexual at certain points in my relationship. However, the mistake I’ve made in the past is not accepting and taking charge of my low libido.
Instead, I pointed the finger at my partner and pulled out the victim card. And as we all know, it’s a lot easier to play the victim than to take responsibility for our lives.
Yet, the victim card is a slippery slope and can lead us to blame others, manipulate and make others feel guilty for our problem. In other words, it’s toxic behavior.
For myself, the reason for my low libido pointed at my partner. I would say that he’s not syncing when I’m in the mood, or he comes home late from work which is why we weren’t intimate. It was all bullshit. I was the problem for my low libido.
So, how can you improve your situation? How can you stop being the victim and start taking control of your low libido?
Why Blaming Your Partner Does More Harm Than Good
Whether it’s low libido or anything else, no one likes being blamed for something that’s out of their control.
Partner blaming is one of the most common relationship problems and can create resentment between partners.
Blaming your partner affects both partners as it shows there’s a failure within the relationship and pushes the partner to fix the problem.
If your relationship is lacking intimacy, the blame will make things worse. And if intimacy does occur, it won’t come from a natural desire but rather from obligation.
How to Rekindle Your Relationship and Boost Your Libido
If blame is in your relationship, it’s time to work on kicking it out and build a healthy foundation.
There are many reasons why you may have a low libido, and I have some helpful tips that can boost it.
So, instead of blaming your partner, look within yourself and explore your needs. You may find what’s causing your low libido.
Give each other compliments
If you’ve been blaming your partner for your low libido, they do not feel very confident right now. A great way to boost their self-esteem (and yours) is to give each other compliments. You don’t need to shower them with compliments but compliment them when you feel genuine.
Break libido-harming habits
You may not know, but many activities can actually contribute to lowering your libido, whether it’s emotional, mental, or physical. Breaking some of these habits, if you have them, can help you improve your libido and help you have a healthy sex life.
- Staying up late: are you getting enough ZZZ’s? Staying up late increases cortisol levels, suppressing your sex drive. So, get some sleep!
- Not enough foreplay: you better not be skipping the foreplay! Foreplay is crucial in helping you warm up the body before penetration. Enjoy foreplay and don’t rush through it.
- Overeating or drinking: if you eat or drink too much, the last thing you want to do is have sex. Moderation is the key to a healthy libido.
- Too much screen time before bed: I know you’re addicted to your phone, but it could actually be affecting your libido. Excessive screen time increases stress, disrupts your sleep cycle and drains your energy. Put your phone away at least one hour before bed.
- Lacking self care: if you keep pushing yourself to the side, how can you expect to feel sensual and in-tune with yourself? Make self-care a priority.
Give yourself some TLC
Have you been giving yourself the TLC you need? Washing your hair is not TLC; it’s basic hygiene. I’m talking about real self-care.
Are you taking time out of the day to do something that gives you pleasure and joy? This could mean working out, meditating, reading – there are tons of things that can nurture your soul.
Here are some tips to help your self-care journey:
- See self-care as important as sleeping or eating, make it a priority.
- Do activities that you like, not ones you think you should do.
- Have your self-care fit your budget. It should bring you happiness, not more stress.
While no one likes to experience awkward conversations, you’re going to have to talk to your partner about this. If you’ve been blaming them, they’re probably not feeling good about themselves or the relationship. So, it’s time to clear things up.
Sit down with your partner and talk about what you’ve been experiencing – but honestly. Don’t point the finger at them, talk openly about your emotions and what you think you need to improve this situation.
Find the spark again
We always talk about the “spark,” but how do you rekindle the flame between you and your partner?
To do that, you need to focus on your inner spark first. Explore your sexual side, your fantasies and what arouses you. Your sexual desires is largely connected to your emotional and mental state, so look within. Start looking within to discover how to reignite the flame.
Once you know what brings you pleasure and take responsibility for yourself, you can work on the root issues between you and your problem.
When it comes to issues like low libido, it’s important to self-reflect and see your role in the situation. Are you blaming your partner? Or are you taking responsibility for your actions and are interested in finding solutions? Intimacy counselling can help give you the tools you need to work on your intimacy and improve your relationship.