Why Am I Still Single? 3 Brutally Honest Questions To Ask Yourself

While you may think it's just being unlucky in love, in reality, there's much more to it than that. It's time to ask yourself 3 brutally honest questions.

Everyone has been single at one point in their lives or another. Before meeting Nate, I was single for years. I remember sitting in my bedroom, wondering why I was single. I didn’t get it. I would think to myself, why am I still single?

I’m funny. I’m outgoing. I can hold a conversation. Why wouldn’t someone want to be with me?

I wasn’t desperate to get married and have children – most of my friends at the time were single (and are still either single or married without children). So, there wasn’t this urge to move onto the next phase of life, but I wanted to meet someone I could genuinely connect with. 

Connecting with my readers is one thing (and don’t get me wrong, I love it), but it’s different than intimate love. 

Now that I’m in a relationship, I find many of my single girlfriends asking themselves the very same question I did, why am I single?

We all want intimacy and connection, and even though we think we’re a package deal, we’re still single. 

While you may think it’s just being unlucky in love, in reality, there’s much more to it than that. 

Why am I still single?

When we ask ourselves this question, why am I still single?

And while doing so, we spend a lot of time looking at our positive qualities, which isn’t bad. But we push aside some of the real reasons why we’re single. 

And here’s the catch, you’re not single because of other people. I know you don’t want to hear this; who does? But it’s the truth. Most of us have an excuse for why we’re single, and usually, the excuses blame other people.

  • All the good men/women are taken.
  • Women only want successful men.
  • Men only want a woman they can control. 
  • The men/women who like me aren’t attractive.
  • We’re too old to find love.

And those are only a few of the excuses we make for ourselves. But at some point, we need to own our sh*t and take responsibility for our lives. What’s really holding you back from finding a person you connect with?

When I was single, I was my biggest enemy. I was the one who was seeking emotionally unavailable men because I was emotionally unavailable.

And it wasn’t until I met Nate that I decided to look internally and explore what was holding me back from creating connection and intimacy.

So, if you’re wondering, “why am I still single?” Here are some common internal issues you may be struggling with.

1. You have unresolved feelings from your past

You haven’t moved past the feelings from your past relationship. You’re still angry your ex cheated or lied to you. You’re holding onto those feelings, allowing them to prevent you from moving on to a healthy relationship.
This anger inside of you, you’re not learning from it. Instead, you’re letting it control your life.

2. You’re sticking to old agreements

Throughout our lives, we experience situations that form us. If you were overweight as a child and were bullied for it, you may think to yourself that you’re unattractive or unworthy of love. This agreement you made with yourself stuck with you until today. But it doesn’t have to.
Cut these old agreements from your life and form new ones. Yes, you were bullied in elementary school, but that doesn’t make you unworthy of love.

3. You’re dating the same red flags again and again

Sure, you’re going on dates with different men, but in reality, you’re dating the same men over and over again. They all have the same red flags.
Now, this has a lot to do with your intimate and personal relationships – because they do shape you.
Look at the red flags in each of your relationships, write them down. See if you can trace them to the source. It’ll give you some clarity. Once you know the red flags, you can spot them in future relationships (and avoid them).

Final Thoughts

We’ve all wondered, “why am I still single?” But we tend to look at the wrong things. Who wants to confront the truth? But if you don’t, you won’t grow and move on. And this is what a lot of dating writing won’t tell you.

Confront the truths in your life and work on healing them so you can enter a healthy relationship.


On Key

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