Calling All Hopeless Romantics: What It Means & How To Find Real Love

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This post isn't going to tell you not to love love. But it will help you get a more realistic perspective on what love really is. So, are you hopeless romantics ready?

I’m not judging; I’m also a hopeless romantic. Or, at least, was one. Wait, who am I kidding? I’m still a bit of one. 

But to be honest, how can you not be a hopeless romantic in the world we live in?

Every movie, tv show, book has some sort of hopeless romantic element to it. It’s like you can’t escape. So, we group up learning how love is supposed to look like and, well, we become hopeless romantics.

I remember wanting to have every man chase me and lord, did I try. I was living in a fantasy, one that made the real world that much harder to live in. 

Now, this post isn’t going to tell you not to love love. But it will help you get a more realistic perspective on what love really is (and trust me, it doesn’t look like the movies). So, are you hopeless romantics ready?

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Hopeless Romantics: Who Are They?

So, before I go on about hopeless romantics, who are they? What does it mean to be a hopeless romantic?

You may be a hopeless romantic if you:

  • have a romantic perception of life
  • the stereotypical optimist
  • sees love as a fairy-tale
  • experiences limerence rather than genuine connection

Is there anything wrong with loving love? No. If you’re someone who wants to find love, that doesn’t mean you’re a hopeless romantic.

Hopeless romantics tend to go overboard and have unrealistic notions of what love actually is. There’s a difference. 

If you feel you’re a hopeless romantic and cannot seem to find genuine love, then you’ve come to the right place. Calling all hopeless romantics: here’s how you can find connection and genuine love (it may not look like a Disney movie though – just sayin’).

#1 Love is about the small things

It’s not about the guy/girl you like running after you in the pouring rain, professing their love for you. Sure, it’s romantic, but the big gestures don’t happen every day. 

Love is about the small thing. Making soup when you’re sick, cooking you dinner after a long day at work, making you coffee in the morning. Those are the things that show they love you. 

#2 Real love takes time to grow

What you feel in the beginning, the heat and butterflies, that’s not genuine love. It’s hormones. And it’s not a bad thing. You’re attracted to this person and you’re body is telling you, “I want more!”

But real love comes after the hormones settle down and you look at your partner for who they really are. It takes time.

And that’s not a bad thing. Give time for the love to grow and see if this is really someone you want to be with. Do you accept their flaws? Those small annoying things they do? That’s when it’s love.

#3 Love is not a whirlwind romance

Real love isn’t an intense and dramatic love affair. Those are fun, but they don’t last for a reason – they’re unhealthy relationships. 

Real love is based on sharing a life together. And real life isn’t always dramatic; sometimes, it’s just boring and uneventful. But having them by your side makes your life enjoyable. 

#4 You need more than passion and romance for a healthy relationship

Oh, romance and passion are great to have in a relationship, but they’re not the only components you need. 

Love requires honesty, trust, vulnerability, and communication. 

Overtime, the passion will fade, but the healthy relationships that last have the those elements.

#5 Love shouldn’t come with extra effort

You should have to scale the Brooklyn bridge to show your love for your partner. If you have to go above and beyond to feel acceptance from your partner, that’s not love. 

This is where hopeless romantics get burned – right here. Hopeless romantics push too hard on something that isn’t meant to be – feeling loved shouldn’t be a full-time job.

#6 Focus on patterns, not words

Huge romantic gestures, while at the time is exciting, doesn’t really mean anything. So what if they took you in a hot air balloon? 

What’s important is consistency and how your partner usually behaves. If they only show affection every now and then, that’s not consistency. 

Showering you with love isn’t actually loving you. 

Final Thoughts

Oh, hopeless romantics, it’s not easy loving the idea of love. Don’t I know it. But that doesn’t mean you need to give up on love. Instead, you just need to see love for what it is, not what you want it to be. 

And if you see what real love is, it’ll be that much easier for you to find genuine and real love. If you’re struggling with this, relationship counselling may help you work through your feelings and get you on the right track. 


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