How to Get Out of the Friendzone

If you’re on the short end of the stick, there’s one thing you have to understand: no one is putting you in any zone. You’re putting yourself in that “zone.” So, here’s how to get yourself out of the friendzone.

The fucking friendzone. It doesn’t matter what side you’re on, the friendzone is annoying. The idea of the ‘friendzone’ is annoying. Being “in” the friendzone is sucks. Googling how to get out of the friendzone isn’t fun either. Now you may be wondering, okay, wait, do you believe in the friendzone or not? 

While I don’t believe in the friendzone, we’ve made it a thing. But in reality, the friendzone is simply you, investing your time into a person who’s not giving you what you expect from them. 

If you had asked me ten years ago if I thought the friendzone was real, I would have said yes. At that time, I was a walking friendzone. All I was trying to figure out was how to get out of the friendzone.

I liked one of my guy friends, you know the story, we hung out all the time, I even slept over at his house, and nothing would happen. I was dying inside. But I felt that a part of him liked me, and I was hanging onto that small glimpse of hope with everything I had. 


However, the reality was, whether he liked me or not, it wasn’t enough for him to take a step forward. And he chose to keep the friendship instead. Now, we can go on for days on whether it was a real friendship or not. I don’t think it was. 


Rather, it was me giving my all into the relationship and he was enjoying the fact he could have a couple of laughs and hang out with a chick who was stroking his ego. But we’ll save that story for another day.

But at the end of it all, that’s what the “friendzone” is – two people that lack connection. And while I’ve been on the losing side of this type of relationship, I’ve also been on the other side – the side that receives all the attention they need. 

While having someone swoon over you without you having to do anything may feel nice at the moment, it’s a completely empty and unfulfilling experience

But if you’re on the short end of the stick, there’s one thing you have to understand: no one is putting you in any zone. You’re putting yourself in that “zone.” So, here’s how to get yourself out of the friendzone.

#1 Got rejected? Move on

I remember the guy I liked telling me that while he liked me, he wasn’t attracted to my face. Ouch. I even cried in front of him when he said that. And then I continued to hang out with him. The fucking guy told me he didn’t like my face. MY FACE. 

I know what you thought while reading that, girl, ditch that loser. Okay, and why are you still hanging around your person after they friendzoned you? Ah yes, the truth comes out. 

You can have whatever excuse you want ready, but at the end of the day, you’re no better than me. If they have openly rejected you, there’s no reason for you to hang around. 

They don’t want you. Yes, it’s harsh but you need to hear it. This person doesn’t want you. 

And that doesn’t make you less valuable or worthy; in fact, you should see this as a chance to free yourself. They don’t want you, so let’s go find someone who does appreciate you for all you are (because you’re a lot of great qualities all wrapped up into one amazing person). How to get out of the friendzone? Accept reality.

#2 Stop friend zoning yourself

They’re not friend zoning you. I repeat, they’re not friendzoning you. You, my friend, are friendzoning yourself. There are tons of people who find you interesting, funny, intelligent and attractive. Tons of people who would love to sit down for dinner with you and get to know you. 

Yet, you waste your time on someone who doesn’t see you for all that you are. And that isn’t their fault, it’s yours. 

Yes, I know, maybe one day they’ll come around…sure, maybe one day they will and by that time, it’ll be too late for them because you’ll have met someone who admires you from day one. You are enough. And I really mean that. You are enough

#3 This isn’t because you’re “too nice”

Oh god, I thought we were over this “too nice” crap. Your friend isn’t dating you because you’re too nice. It’s because you two don’t have that connection. There’s a lot more to you than being “nice.” 

Take a serious step back and look at who you are. Your time on earth is limited and you’re wasting it on a person who doesn’t see you for all you’re worth. 

Instead, they see you as a doormat – and one they didn’t even have to pay for. Who are you? What do you want to bring to this world? It’s time to think about yourself first. 

#4 Is there a genuine connection?

I don’t know, maybe you’re obsessed with their smile or the way they eat spaghetti. Whatever it is, it’s distracting you from the real question at hand: is there a genuine connection? Or are these feelings coming from a you-want-what-you-can’t-have place. 

Because I bet you that when you step aside and look at the relationship, you don’t really have a deep connection with this person. So, if you’re wondering how to get out of the friendzone, get real with yourself.

#5 You don’t need to prove yourself worthy

The only reason you’re hanging around this person, waiting for them to choose you, is because you are not choosing yourself. And that’s the truth. You don’t need their approval that you’re worthy of love. You are worthy of love. 

If this person doesn’t want more with you, then it’s time for you to say to yourself, “we don’t want the same things and I must move on and meet someone who wants to connect with me on a deeper level.”

Even as a self-help writer, I’ve gone through this experience (hence the long introduction). So, if you’ve been wondering how to get out of the friendzone, it’s important to understand that you’re the one who decides whether it exists or not.


On Key

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