The Perfect Vagina: How to Heal Vaginal Insecurities

With the rise of labiaplasties increasing annually, women are turning their backs against the most unique part of their body: the vulva.

As we watch more media and continue to fill our minds with unrealistic expectations of our bodies, it’s no surprise more and more women are reporting to dislike the appearance of their vulva. 

In 2018, The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery calculated 12, 756 labiaplasties were performed. Since then, the numbers of labiaplasties have increased annually.

While this procedure doesn’t come without risks (it’s believed it can remove essential nerves that reduce a woman’s sexual pleasure), more women see their vulva’s as abnormal and ugly. 

In other words, women are turning their backs against the most unique part of their body: the vulva.

In a study done by Refinery29, out of 3,670 women surveyed, nearly half (48%) of respondents said they were concerned by the appearance of their vulva, the external part (including the clitoris, labia minora, and labia majora). Most were worried about the size (64%), the shape (60%) and the color of their vulva (30%).

This increasing dislike of the most unique and sacred part of the female body can be attributed to porn, sexual partner, and the beauty industry – as women are fed myths and stereotypes about what the vulva should look like. 

In the same study, 32% of women said they were made to feel their vulva was not normal, while 72% of women compared their vagina to porn. 

The messages women are receiving about their vulvas is damaging their self-esteem, lowering sexual pleasure and fueling body dysmorphia. 

While it’s clear that porn, the beauty industry and people’s opinions aren’t going anywhere, sexual awareness and education needs to be at the forefront of this issue. 

No two vulvas are the same

All vulvas are different; there are no two alike. And this uniqueness should be acknowledged and celebrated because your vulva isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s vulva. 

Rather than fighting an uphill battle over an issue that doesn’t exist, we need to work together and accept our bodies as they are because they’re beautiful.

How to Heal Our Vaginal Insecurities

We know what’s to blame for fueling these unhealthy expectations and insecurities, but they’re not going anywhere. It’s up to us to learn how to manage and block them from our lives – easier said than done, right?

So how do we heal our vaginal insecurities? 

Get to know your vulva

Do you actually know your vulva? But seriously, do you know your vulva? If you want to be comfortable with your vulva, you need to spend time with her. Here’s what you can do:

Start touching yourself. It can be above the clothes at first, working your way slowly until your touching yourself. 

If you’re uncomfortable, take your time and do it slowly over the course of days, weeks, or even months. This may take some time for you and that’s okay. 

When you’re feeling comfortable touching yourself (I assume with the lights off), turn on the lights or put a candle on to create an ambiance. Watch your vulva as you touch it; look at it in the mirror. Explore it and worship your vulva as the jewel that it is.

Show compassion towards your vulva

Remember, what the media portrays as normal isn’t normal. What you see on tv doesn’t represent most people. 

If you’re experiencing pain, itchiness, discomfort, or a change in odor – now those are issues that you need to get checked out by a doctor. However, unless it’s the above issues, it’s in your head. 

If you’re considering surgery, ask yourself these questions:

You may be reading this and thinking to yourself, oh no, I’m going to have surgery and you can’t stop me! And you’re right, I can’t stop you. But I can suggest you ask yourself these questions before making this decision.

  • Do you absolutely need to have surgery?
  • What does the perfect vagina actually look like?
  • Does <insert actress or porn star> have the perfect vagina? Are you sure?
  • How will your sex life change by having an altered vulva?

With dating writing, we tend not to focus on these issues. However, when it comes to intimacy in a relationship or with oneself, our self-esteem and worth play important roles.

It’s time to start accepting our bodies for what they are and live an authentic life. Click here for my article on the 8 Must-Read Books About Sexuality & Tantra.


On Key

Related Posts

two white women on couch laughing

Is My Relationship Toxic? Signs of a Toxic Relationship

So, if you’re reading this, there’s a chance that you’re not feeling good about your relationship. If you’re asking yourself, is my relationship toxic? It’s time to know the signs. Here are the signs of a toxic relationship.

indian couple on mountain

How to Know if You Met the One

You’ve met someone that you’re sure is the one. Now, I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. I don’t even know you! But here’s the thing, are they really the one? Here’s how to know if you met the one.

Looking for real connection?

Get real relationship and dating advice straight to your email now.