Do’s and Don’Ts of Contacting Your Ex

white man texting on phone
So, can you contact your ex? Of course, you can. But what's important is understanding why you want to contact them and if it's the right choice for you.

I could tell you that I’ve never contacted an ex after we’ve broken up, but that would be a lie. I’m human! Of course, I’ve had moments where I missed my ex and wanted to reach out. But I also didn’t know the do’s and don’ts of contacting your ex. 

And if I did, I think I would have done some things differently. I’m not going to tell you not to contact your ex. As a self-help writer, I’m not here to tell you how to live.

My goal is to show you the options you have and help you self-reflect before making a move.

So, can you contact your ex? Of course, you can. 

But what’s important is understanding why you want to contact them and if it’s the right choice for you. That said, here are the do’s and don’ts of contacting your ex.

a woman's hands texting

The Do's and Don'ts of Contacting Your Ex

Before you grab your phone and start texting your ex, let’s talk about the do’s and don’ts of contacting your ex. That way, you make the right decision for you.

Don’t text your ex impulsively

Your favorite movie came on and it triggered a memory of how you and your ex would watch it together on your birthday. And you want to text them. 

Okay, before contacting them, you need to ask yourself a few questions:

  • What is the goal of reaching out to your ex?
  • How do you want the conversation to go?
  • Will this benefit your ex? Or only yourself?
  • Could this potentially hurt your ex?

If you two left on good terms and contact each other from time to time, then this may not be a problem. 

However, let’s be honest, most people follow the “no-contact rule” after a breakup and they do so for a reason.

Do be honest and straightforward

You’re the one contacting your ex, so don’t waste their time by beating around the bush. What’s the purpose of texting them?

If you want to get back together with your ex

If you need closure…

Be honest with your intentions for reaching out to them. This isn’t easy to do, but if your respect your partner, then it’s the right thing to do.

Don’t text your ex if it’s not going to be positive for you both

You should only reach out to your ex if you feel the conversation will be a positive experience for the both of you. 

If you’re texting your ex to tell them you met someone, why are you doing that? That’s not going to make your ex feel good and you know it. Don’t be vindictive and mean.

Do have realistic expectations from your ex

What are you hoping to get as a response from your ex? If you need closure, for example, you may not get what you’re looking for.

If your breakup was hostile and hurtful, your ex may become aggressive or end up hurting you emotionally.

Know what you’re getting yourself into.

Do respect your ex’s current relationship

If your ex is in a relationship, why are you reaching out to them? What’s your goal?

I keep asking this because you really need to think about why you’re reaching out to your ex. 

If it’s to apologize for something, you can contact them. But if it’s to snoop around and see if you can meddle in their relationship, that’s not cool.

Don’t continue to contact them if they don’t respond

I know this one is hard, but seriously. If they’re not responding to you, it’s because they don’t want to. 

They didn’t get into an accident, their phone didn’t break – they do not want to contact you.

And if you’re receiving silence, take it as a strong hint that they want to move on.  If that’s the case, you’ll have to find your own closure.

Final Thoughts

Knowing the do’s and don’ts of contacting your ex can help you understand whether making that move is the best choice for you. 

Remember to ask yourself some questions. Are you ready to possibly re-open that story again? What’s your goal in contacting your ex? Asking these questions can help you understand the real motivation behind this desire.


On Key

Related Posts

two white women on couch laughing

Is My Relationship Toxic? Signs of a Toxic Relationship

So, if you’re reading this, there’s a chance that you’re not feeling good about your relationship. If you’re asking yourself, is my relationship toxic? It’s time to know the signs. Here are the signs of a toxic relationship.

indian couple on mountain

How to Know if You Met the One

You’ve met someone that you’re sure is the one. Now, I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. I don’t even know you! But here’s the thing, are they really the one? Here’s how to know if you met the one.

Looking for real connection?

Get real relationship and dating advice straight to your email now.