You’re not trying to find the “50 things to do when your ex wants you back” or “35 signs your ex wants you back.” You know the signs, and that’s why you’re here. You already know your ex wants you back, but you’re not sure what to do. And I get it.
I think we’ve all been there. It may not have been an ex, maybe it was a friend or family member, but we’ve all been in a situation where someone who’s hurt us wants to reenter our life again.
My high-school best friend, who was also my neighbor, slept with my boyfriend and then dated him for a year. I was sixteen years old, and I was beyond hurt. I blamed myself in the beginning, thinking if I had given him my virginity, then maybe he would have stuck around. But what hurt me even more was that one of my best friends did this to me. And, of course, when they broke up, she wrote me a letter, came to my door crying and wanted to be friends again. I wanted nothing to do with her. But my mom pushed me to make amends and become friends with her. The friendship didn’t go anywhere. I had no trust in her and didn’t respect her as a friend.
I don’t know what happened between you and your ex, but something obviously happened if you’re questioning whether you want them back in your life or not. Now you’re in a position where you’re not sure what direction to take.
Now, everyone is different and I’m not here to judge your decision; I’m here to help you make the best one for yourself. If your ex wants you back, take a step back and think about you. It’s easy to get swept up in their charm and words, but now’s not the time for that.
Before anything, give yourself time to process and think to yourself what you want. This is your life, so you want to make a decision that’s best for you.
When deciding whether or not to allow your ex back into your life, keep this in mind:
What was the reason?
This is a big one. What was the reason you two ended your relationship? Cheating? Lying? Abuse? Grew apart? What happened? Realistically, not much has probably changed with your partner, no matter what they say. And if they’re saying they’ve changed, how have they changed? What steps did they take? Understanding why you two aren’t together can help you see the red flags and remind you what your relationship really was.
Who is the person?
Who was your ex? Were they abusive? Emotionally unavailable? Narcissistic? Before you jump back into their arms, you need to reflect on who they are because they’re probably still that same person. And again, if they say they’ve changed, what did they do? For example, if they had a drinking problem, are they sober? Are they going to therapy? How long have they been sober? These are serious questions that deserve serious answers. If not, you’re wasting your time and going back into a toxic relationship.
What are you doing?
This isn’t about them so much as it is about you. Yes, they want you back, but you’re the one holding the key. Are you visualizing the potential they have? Are you ignoring serious red flags? Are you aware of your insecurities? If you choose to go back to your ex, what are you going to do differently? How are you going to improve the relationship? Will you go to therapy? Will you improve your communication skills?
What’s the reason for going back to them?
If you’re being pulled to go back to your ex, ask yourself why? Are you scared of being alone? Do you have unresolved abandonment issues? Do you have a pattern of having toxic relationships? Or is it that you two needed some time apart to grow and are now ready to restart the relationship from a healthy place? You need to be real with yourself; if not, you’re wasting your time on people who don’t value you. To give yourself the self-love and respect you deserve, you may need to make a tough decision, but if that’s what you need to break the cycle, then do it.
Getting back together with your ex
When your ex wants you back, and you want to get back together with them, you both need to work on improving the relationship actively. What went wrong the first time? What steps are you two going to take to create a healthy relationship?
When your ex wants you back, it’s easy to run into their arms. But you need more than just their desire to be with you. You and your ex need to make a change if you want it to work this time around.