You’ve probably heard a lot of people (including myself) talking about how important is it to heal before dating again. Okay, well, great advice Stacy, but no one told you how to heal before dating again. You don’t need fluffy words; you need action!
But I want to say this first. Many people use the whole “I need to heal first” to stop themselves from moving forward. You don’t need to be fully healed (if that’s even possible) to date again.
When I met Nate, I thought I was in a decent place in my life. I was growing tired of casual relationships and wanted to find someone who would appreciate me for who I am. And then I met Nate.
Was I healed from my past? No.
I was full of insecurities and trust issues and never really worked on them. Did I ever heal from my trauma? Was I truly ready to date Nate when I met him?
How to Heal Before Dating Again
When I met Nate, I didn’t think I had any baggage. But boy, was I wrong. I was carrying enough relationship trauma for both of us.
And while, at the time, I was not fully healed from my past, I really connected with Nate and wanted to give our relationship a real shot.
In other words, I started dating before healing myself. Did it work for me? Yes. But I had a partner who worked on himself and was able to identify my trauma and help me become aware of them (I also went to therapy one year into our relationship).
So, do you need to be healed before entering a relationship? Not necessarily. But taking the time to learn how to heal before dating again can help you avoid negative relationship patterns and help you grow as a person.
It’s time to get real with yourself
No, but seriously. If you want to learn how to heal before dating again, then you need to get really honest with yourself.
Start reflecting on your life and the common patterns that are preventing you from genuine connection and meaningful relationships.
For example, it could be that you self-sabotage your relationships or always date alcoholics. These are negative patterns that stem from trauma.
I didn’t say it was going to be easy, but if you want to be in a better place with yourself, you need to be honest with yourself.
Grab a notepad and pen, and start writing.
Don’t heal to fill a void
Oh, I know. It’s so much easier to fill the void with sex, drugs, or alcohol. But if you want to heal, you need to stop distracting yourself with bullshit.
If you want to heal, you need to recognize the void inside of you. Once you know it’s there, you can work on mending yourself.
Let the emotions out
Why are you keeping them locked away inside of you? It’s time to let them out!
If you want to learn how to heal before dating again, you need to connect with yourself and recognize the emotions you’ve been suppressing.
Let them out. Whether it’s through crying, talking, or writing – whatever way you wish, do it.
Don’t contact your ex
When we’re trying to heal ourselves, it’s easy to run back into relationships we feel are comfortable. We’re scared of the unknown.
Even if the relationship was a bad one, we often would rather choose that than potentially be alone. Sad, isn’t it?
But you want to learn how to heal before dating again, right? And if that’s the case, then running back into your old, worn-out patterns isn’t going to cut it.
Don’t contact your ex. Instead, follow the no contact rule.
Talk to a therapist
I didn’t know I had as much baggage as I did when I started dating Nate. So the chances are you’re in the same boat.
And if that’s the case, talking to a professional therapist can do wonders for your healing process.
They’ll help you uncover past trauma and guide you down the path of genuine healing.
Learning how to heal before dating again is all about you. You’re the only common denominator in your love life.
Meaning if you’re noticing specific patterns arise, it’s time to stop looking at the other person and start looking at yourself.
Take these tips seriously and use them to grow. When you do, you’ll notice your relationships start to change for the better.