Why the No Contact Rule is So Hard?

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Oh, there's no doubt the no contact rule is one of the hardest things to do. But why is it so hard to do for people?

Oh, there’s no doubt the no contact rule is one of the hardest things to do. Ugh, the no contact rule is hard!

It’s like being told you’re not allowed to eat candy cause it’s not healthy for you. You know candy isn’t healthy, and you usually don’t eat it. But now that you’re told not to, you have this constant urge to go to the store and buy candy. 

And that’s basically what the no contact rule is. It’s telling you not to contact someone (your ex) you want to talk to.

But let’s get real, do you really want to talk to your ex? Or is it just because you’re following the no contact rule? I’ll let you answer those questions yourself. 

Right now, you want to know why the no contact rule is hard and how to make it easier for yourself. I gotcha. 

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Why the No Contact Rule is Hard

I remember being obsessed (literally) over my best guy friend. We did everything together, made out when we’d go clubbing, travel together, hang out all day – it was a situationship.

One day my other friends came to me for an intervention and told me that he was just not into me and that he was just using me. Deep down, I knew they were right, but my low self-esteem told me I couldn’t do any better (look at me now, low self-esteem! Suck it!).

They suggested the no contact rule. I wrote him a sappy (yet therapeutic) letter, told him I needed to cut him off, and then I blocked him off from everythingEverything. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. 

Why? Because I didn’t want to do it. I wanted him to want to be with me so badly; I wanted him to wake up one morning and say, “I’m such an idiot, I’ve been in love with her this entire time.”

But that never happened and it was never going to happen. It took me over one year to get over him and that’s how long I did the no contact rule for. 

The no contact rule is hard because you’re fighting yourself. You’re fighting your insecurities (and they’re tricky!). You’re fighting the inner belief that you’ll never find someone like your ex or that you can’t do better. But you can. 

However, for that to happen, you need to give yourself time to heal from your relationship. And that’s where the no contact rule comes in.

How to Make the No Contact Rule Easier

If you need a refresher on how to do the no contact rule, read this first. Once you know how to do the no contact rule, these tips can help ease the experience.

Let yourself grieve

When it comes to your emotions, there’s no easy way out (sorry, not sorry). But seriously, you need to face your feeling at some point, so you might as well do it sooner than later. 

You’re not a robot, so when doing the no contact rule, let go of your emotions. It’s not easy separating yourself from your ex, so be kind to yourself.

Reflect on your relationship

Right now, you’re thinking of how amazing they were and of all the small, cute little things they did for you. Snap out of it!

Sure, there were some good memories, but you two had your issues. Don’t forget that. 

What were the major issues in your relationship? Write them down. It’s important not to push the issues away just because you miss them. Bring them to the surface and reflect on them. 

Have a no contact buddy

The buddy system can work wonders if you choose a friend, family member, or therapist you trust.

Have someone that, when you feel like texting your ex, you text them. Talk to them about how you’re feeling and why you want to text your ex at that particular moment.

This can help you prevent yourself from doing something based on impulse. 

Give your life structure

If you want to spend years getting over your ex, I highly suggest sitting at home all day, doing nothing. 

If you want to work on healing yourself and moving forward in your life, give your day structure. Yes, reflect on your relationship, but also live your life. 

Work, get a hobby, hang out with friends and family, and try something new. Create a structure for yourself.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been trying to do the no contact rule and are struggling with it, take a breath. 

Cutting off contact from your ex is no easy task and it may take you a couple of times before you really decide to do it. However, if you take the tips above, it’ll make the no contact rule easier for you to do. 

If you’ve done the no contact rule and feel you want to have a healthy relationship with your ex, read this.


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